I blame facebook. It is the root of all evil.
Everyday I am BOMBARDED by pictures of engagements, weddings, prego bellies, babies, first homes, etc., etc.! So, everyday I am reminded of all the things I am FAR from achieving myself in my own life. Don't get my wrong, I am happy for all of those people, but I can't help but be jealous!!
When I was in college, I was able to readily dismiss those things because I felt I was in my own little bubble. I was in college, of course those things wouldn't happen to me yet, I wasn't an adult (in my eyes at least)! Those days I was happy to spend my days and nights with Biff and friends, with no real care in the world.
Little did I know that graduating would bring a flood of feelings that just won't go away! Granted, I have only graduated for a few months... but I can't help but feel like an adult all of a sudden. I go to work 8-4 (my metaphorical 9-5). I do things adults do, right? I read the news now for goodness sake!
Now... it's feeling like I could do those things! What?! Weddings? Babies? ME?!
My rational mind says I don't want these things to happen for a LONG time from now... at least 5 years? When I am financially ready (but at this rate, will I ever be?), these things will happen with time. (Even in 5 years, I will be a poor graduate student!)
My crazy emotional woman-side is like, "I'm so JEALOUS! That's so cute, so fun!" My favorite part is looking at the men, with such love in their eyes! It is so surprising the men so young are willing to take the plunge and commit!! It's TOO cute.
Then my rational side comes back and says, "all that planning!! STRESS STRESS STRESS!!"
I was also blaming the fact that my cousin was getting married. Everyone was sending mixed messages about how cute the wedding was but that it was too fast and too soon! (He's 24) But either way... I couldn't help but get excited for my first wedding attendance!
I figured it would go away after the wedding was over... but my greatest fear has happened... it isn't going away!!!!!
Maybe it's just hard for me because all of these thoughts do not help in my missing Biff. I know if he were around, he would smack some sense into me. He isn't here to help keep my mind from wandering!!
Now I've already thought of all the fun details!!
Cake = red velvet
Colors = purple and teal
flowers = hyacinths (they smell really good), orchids, hydrangea, etc.
My wedding fever has even graduated to trying to work out the messy details...
Who is going to walk me down the aisle?
Who should I invite?
How am I going to pay for all of this?!
(esp. since my mom saying she isn't going to pay for it and is actually expecting money (chinese tradition) although she may be kidding (Gosh, I hope she's kidding), I do support it because I am worth at least $8,000 (which is what my dad paid my grandmother for my mom))
Biff says he is not paying... although I cannot say I blame him, but now I might have to pay for myself. haha
I guess I do have a long time to work out all these messy details... and more since I don't even know the many details that go into a wedding!!! What are all the traditions? What goes into it?
I thought watching Bridezillas today would help... It just made me angry because those women don't even deserve to get married!!!
I hope what my friend janimal says is not true... I hope wedding fever is not like herpes, in the fact that it never goes away... if so, I'm so screwed! I have a lifetime to wait!
I guess my biggest hesitation is that I also don't really want to be the first in my little cohort (including my older sister, older cousin, and younger cousin) to get married! But... I am also the only one in a committed relationship!!! GAH! I hope my sis and cousin find a man soon!