Well the psychology doctoral application cycle came and went with the passing of the April 15th deadline. Must say after an excitable last few days of the process, I ended up with no acceptances. I have very mixed feelings about it.
On the one hand, I am happy because the pressures of the roller coaster ride and the weight of the impending decision was almost too much to bear.
On the other hand, I can't help but feel the sting of rejection leading me to re-consider my fate professionally.
Doubts have started to form. Large gaping cracks have really started to break down my resolve, motivation, and determination.
I have allotted myself 3 cycles in this whole process, because I understand the competitive nature of it all. Although, I am seriously wondering what I should do because of these doubts!
My head is full of so many questions. Can I do the work necessary to complete a doctoral program? Am I willing to sacrifice MUCH of my free time, social life, and other fun things that should be characteristic of youth? Once I graduate, will I be able to find a job? Will the job's salary readily justify the fact that I was out of the workforce for X amount of years? Do I really want all of this, or do I just feel compelled to because I am too afraid to wander around life without a plan? Is a large part of this family-driven? What other degrees should/could I get?
How do I even begin to answer these questions?
I never thought that graduating from undergrad would bring on this tsunami of craziness. I no longer have a set path in front of me. I am free to do pretty much anything but I am crippled by the weight of being an adult. I feel like I am drowning and trying to fight for some air.
These are the primary things that I want out of my life: I want to have fun, I sincerely want to enjoy my youth, I want to begin my life with Biff, and eventually settle down in near a city of opportunity where my children can grow and learn. I want to provide them with a solid foundation for their future. I also crave stability for myself. Therefore, I want to strike a balance now of enjoying my youth AND being productive career-wise (so i don't have to play catch-up when it is too late and it's baby time)
Oh, what to do.
I guess my plan will remain the same. I will apply for that last application cycle. I guess it is better to know than not know.